The Little Victories 

From Cancer to Coaching--

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My whole world fell apart. I felt absolutely devastated, shocked, angry, and scared and kept asking myself ”why me, what have I done to deserve this?” I didn’t want to talk about it or consider the next steps. I was persuaded by the hospital team that surgery was my best option. In medical terms, I had metastatic breast cancer ER positive, PR positive and HER2 positive Grade III invasive ductal carcinoma.

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I had a mastectomy of the left breast, at the Royal Marsden in Sutton in July, just before my 50th birthday. During the operation, they found that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and had to extract 21 out of 24 lymph nodes.

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I felt like I had been butchered, was in considerable pain and considered myself only half a woman, when it was over.

I was sent home to rest and recuperate, with a drain and a very large supply of pain killers. A month after the operation, I underwent extensive chemotherapy, administered intravenously every 3 weeks. This made me feel extremely ill, so I could not work for 6 months. As I had been at my workplace for over 2 years, my company paid me my full salary.

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I felt very lethargic, sick, constipated, couldn’t really taste food, and had a very sore mouth. I also lost a lot of weight, lost all my hair, needed a wig, and headscarves.

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It was the worst ever experience of my entire life, as the chemo targeted the good cells as well as the bad.

Thoughts kept going round in my head that my partner would leave me, that I was a freak and that I would be all alone to face the next part of my journey. But after followed a month of radiotherapy, which was not so bad. My partner, his family, and a few friends were incredibly supportive throughout my ordeal.

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Believe it or not, I was very positive throughout my treatment and celebrated every milestone. My partner and I vowed to beat this “bastard” cancer together. The doctors and nurses at the hospital were exceptionally good, and I had some counseling after such a traumatic experience.

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At least I was alive, after my worst nightmare, but a lot of women don’t make it. Unfortunately, after an MRI scan, they found that a tiny bit of cancer had spread to my spine and I was forced to live with secondary cancer and continue to have treatment for that even now.

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I asked myself “where do I go from here?”, as, after the cancer treatment, I was experiencing acute lack of confidence, very low self-esteem and felt very uncomfortable when looking at my body. When I went on holiday and wore my bikini, I had to wear a prosthesis to replace my left breast. I felt very self-conscious and thought people were looking at me and laughing! I could never use communal changing rooms, for fear of being ridiculed, and always had to hide in the toilets to get changed. Low cut tops or dresses were a no!

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But, in 2020, I started feeling a lot of pain in my legs and went in for an MRI in April. Before I could even get the results, I had a fall in my house. I was in absolute agony. They had to give me morphine to ease the pain. As well as Herceptin, I was also on a bone strengthening drug. At the hospital, they operated on me and found that I had fractured both femurs.

I had a metal pin inserted into each leg and these were held in place with screws. Apparently, the bone strengthening drug had made my bones weaker. That is why I fell. I couldn’t believe it.

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Eight years later, in March 2016, I was finally given the go ahead for my re-constructive surgery. It was quite a long, complicated operation and my new breast was made out of my tummy fat. I had 2 months off work and was in a lot of pain, while waiting for both areas to heal. There was no stopping me after that, as I felt like a new woman and was complete at last. My confidence soared, my self-esteem rocketed and I felt truly empowered. It changed my life.

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Covid was rife, but I had to spend two weeks at the hospital. I came home with a Zimmer frame and walking sticks, so I could learn to walk again. The hospital told me it would take 2 years before I could walk properly again. With exercises, sheer determination and the desire to succeed I learnt to walk properly within 5 months and was driving again within 8 months. My husband’s family called me an inspiration and praised me for my perseverance.

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With the help of coaching during my cancer journey, I found self-love, resilience, learned to appreciate the fact that I was still around and being grateful for what I had. I learned to re-program my mindset to think differently. Realising that negative thoughts leads to an unfulfilling life, is a game changer. I discovered that my partner and other people loved me just the way I was. I started to love and respect my body and this made me realise what an amazing human being I was. Slowly, I realised my passions and what made me feel alive!

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I married my long-term partner, after 20 years together, in 2021, and am the happiest I have ever been in years. Despite having secondary cancer, life is treating me very well now. I have a busy social life, enjoy my holidays, have attended a couple of photography workshops. Also, I am enjoying my retirement.

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It is for this reason that I decided I wanted to help women change and improve their lives, after undergoing such a traumatic experience. I always remained positive throughout my ordeal, and would like to channel this positivity to others in the same situation.

I am now a fully ACPPH accredited transformational coach, a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner and a hypnotherapist. I am ready to make life happier, easier and better for all concerned according to individual needs and goals.